heal the world - michael jackson

I feel this song...

Unreality

A sequel to the 'I hate...' rant I posted on my friend Malvika's blog a month ago.

Some things are hateful. Like overcooked broccoli. Tedious lab reports. Homesickness. Unrequited love.

But a lot of things aren't.

Walking down the street today I realized,
How beautiful life can be,
With a cool breeze, and a cloudy sky,
And no troubles (as far as my myopic eyes could see).

My hair was blowing behind me,
My clothes hung loose on me,
I felt invisible, and strangely content,
I had no responsibilities, and nobody to please.

The green in the trees,
Was just the right shade of green,
The blueness of the sky,
Was clear and pure and free.

People around me were smiling,
Their faces glowing in the fading light,
Talking excitedly about,
The shooting stars to be seen tonight.

My feet carried me on,
The world was just so right,
I felt fit, and I felt fine,
While reality stayed out of sight.

My inspirations always come at the wrong times. I should be sleeping right now, and paying off my sleep-debt that I've been in for several years now.

More goals

My friends at lunch today were recounting some of the best fights they'd been in (yep - the guys were doing the talking). Sometimes, I wish I had grown up around a brother. In my childhood, the only fights I had were with my very docile sister - who took all my blows. And stopped me from getting into trouble with the neighborhood kids. At times, I think that I owe her my life.

In any case, after listening to my friends' adventures, I decided to add this to my list of short-term goals.

8. Get into at least one fight. Or beat the hell out of someone (who deserves it).

Another one, I've been thinking of is the one below

9. Grow my hair out. And donate it.

This will probably be more challenging - especially if I do go back to India this summer - the land of cheap (and very tempting) haircuts.

This and That

I liked yesterday for it's randomness. On my way back from my PED class, I decided to not take the bus back, and started walking. I walked past a couple of people playing badminton. Of course, I had to stop. Turned out that there was a challenge out to beat a champion called J Pal, from India. And even though it was 1:25pm, and I had to be at a meeting at 2pm, and shower and eat before that, I jumped in. They let me go first.

I lost. Badly. I blame the wind and the sun, (and you, for Tasmin Archer's sake). Even indooors, I guess I would have lost, but may have been able to put up a better fight.
Badminton's awesome though.

Later that evening, as I was about to leave the WRW for dinner, I bumped into a friend who told me about an AIAA (American Institute of Aeronautics and Astronautics - I typed that out to see if I could account for all the A's) meeting - where they had free pizza. I did an about turn and followed him.

The speaker, Ken Griffin, was rather good, and quirky, and some of the things he talked about were directly related to my research. He discussed Aeroelasticity and the x-53 design. At one point he said, 'The blended wing body transport plane just looks like a pregnant B2'. Another time, he said, 'You think you're ready for a roll, and you have all the sensors and actuators in the right places, but out there, the wing's actually laughing at you'. Also, I ended up sitting right next to another ice-eater. Which was heartwarming.

I took my fitness test today. It wasn't bad at all, although after the aerobic fitness section, I was ready to drink up a swimming pool. I got a score at the end: on a scale from below 30 to above 41, where anything below a 30 was terrible, and anything above a 41 was excellent, I scored a 40, which I'm happy about. But then, taekwondo practice today gave me two bruised knuckles, which I'm not happy about at all. I got back at the stupid board by cracking it in two with a front snap-kick.

Looks like a long night. Flight dynamics homework, flight dynamics lab, measurements lab, and research. And rounds on 20 floors - since I'm on call right now.

Strangely enough, I feel like I'm going to miss these days in a few years.

Agitated.
I think I need to go running.

Midnight Inspirations

Needless to say, I came up with the theory below during one of my classes - and propagating it didn't exactly have the desired effect on my audience. Eh - I still think it's cool.

aloofalien: so - check this out

aloofalien: i was thinking...

aloofalien: they always talk about love triangles, right?

aloofalien: but even around me, sometimes, i see more..

aloofalien: i see quadrangles forming - even hexagons

aloofalien: does that make sense?

aloofalien: and if you think about vector addition, you realize that all the vectors add up -

aloofalien: but in the end, only 2 vectors connect.

aloofalien: so - a whole lot of vectors in between are just stuck in the middle, and only 2 actually find each other in the end.

aloofalien: dude - that's like the most awesome theory ever!

hermes0730: brb

I can always count on my best friends to encourage me with their enthusiastic responses. Thanks adi ;)

I have a lot more to say on friendship.

I found out recently that the object of my affection wasn't exactly available. When I whined about that to one of my friends, he said, 'Want me to beat up the guy?' Another one offered to take care of the other girl - she said she had 'contacts' who had multiple talents.

I had to do my best to stop both of them from being carried away by their violent dispositions. I said I might need their services - in the future - just not yet.

Friends are awesome.

I'm glad that I don't feel any resentment towards this guy. He's still amazing, and has had nothing but a positive influence on me. I was sad yesterday, but today I felt free, and happy.

I still decided to put together a flowchart titled 'How to lose a guy in 10 days' - for future reference...mine and others'. I'll figure out a way to upload it later.

It's 3:14am, and I have a 9 am class.
Damn.

I realized today that ego isn't necessarily a bad thing...it's a good defence mechanism.

Parenting my parents

I was talking to my mom last night. She was rather upset. And whiny.

The maid, apparently, had accidentally broken one of my mom's expensive Ganesh figurines.
"Rs 350 - down the drain," my mom said. Even though she was more than 9000 miles away, I could almost see the froth buiding up around her mouth.

More than the loss, however, my mom was upset at how lightly my dad had treated the episode.
He'd shrugged and said, "what can we do?"

My mom would have liked my dad a lot better if he had taken control of the situation, supported her, and chastised the maid. That, quite obviously, did not happen; and what ensued was a fight.

"He just sits around all day - busy with his students, or his laptop, or the newspaper," my mom continued. And then she called him many things, which I will not mention here.

I listened patiently. Because that's what I do. One of my friends called me a sponge once, because I soak up others' worries, insecurities, complaints, sorrows... I don't know why. I just do. I could understand how my mom felt - I'm a lot like her -I like attention, and expect some care and love from the people around me. But I could understand how my dad felt too - since I have a lot of him in me. A broken figurine was hardly something to cry about.

And then I talked. I consoled her. I convinced her that dad, and the rest of us, were totally in awe of her, and often told our friends stories about how strong she was, and how she could do so many things we were all scared of doing. For example, one summer, when the mango tree in our backyard was loaded with mangoes, monkeys were showing up daily to have their share. And driving my dog, Pepsi, mad while she barked her head off at them. Finally, my mom decided she'd had enough, and started waving a stick at them (the monkeys). The monkeys snarled,
and deliberately broke off a branch and threw it down at Pepsi. Pepsi escaped, but her barks got shriller.
The monkeys didn't come back - at least not that year.

Another time, when my mom realized we had a mice-problem in the storage room (these problems are pretty common in India), she decided to chase the mice away. She pulled out the suitcases and opened them, and my dad and my sister and I helped her. A minute later my sister screamed - she'd just unzipped a bag and witnessed a family of mice sitting inside it.

My dad, my sister and I bolted. My mom gave us a resentful look, and then proceeded to pick up the bag and step outside the house. She released the mice in the park across the street.

Anyway, coming back to the main story - after my mom heard me tell her these things, she said in a tense voice, angry but reluctantly pleased - 'You're such a diplomat. Defending your dad and pacifying me at the same time."

After that, I had a talk with my dad. I told him that he had to start spending some more time at home. And taking mom out more. And coming up with new ways/ideas to have fun. Like trying a new recipe. Or playing cards with her. I said I'd check on them every week. And that they'd better be prepared for cross-questioning.

Needless to say, I felt like I was 77 years old.

Life. And Love.

Sometimes, I wonder about life. And love. And everything in between.

I distinctly remember complaining to my sister-in-law, about how all songs just talked about love, broken hearts, and yearning. Bhabhi, newly married, and far wiser than I was at the time, simply said, ‘it’s because love is such a universal thing…you’ll understand it some day’.

I’m not sure if the day has arrived yet, but I think I do understand things more than I did five years ago. I understand what it is like to love your family, I mean – really, and truly love your family, and the feeling that there are people in this world who love you so much that they would do anything for you. Looking back, I think I understand how my parents felt as they watched me grow, and how they feel now that I’ve left home, and all the millions of ways in which I misunderstood them. For example, I didn’t realize until the day I left home that my mother loved me. After three days of non-stop arguments, and constant declarations that she was so glad to see me leave, she burst into tears when I gave her a reluctant hug at the airport. Two minutes made me see the truth that I had been blind to for 19 years.

I think I understand how I will feel when I have kids, and grow old, and think back to days when I was young. In fact, I’m already doing it. I wish sometimes that I could rewind the clocks and grow up again, this time as a much better daughter. Sometimes, I realize that I am turning into my mother, but the thought does not terrify me the way it used to. I suppose that is the beginning of wisdom.

I think I understand why people continue to live in the Sahara Desert, or the Polar Ice Caps, or in bug-infested rain-forests. Home is home, and nothing can change that. The tse-tse fly cannot; and neither can the worst weather phenomenon. It all boils down to love – love for the land, the people, and the familiarity of everything.

W. Somerset Maugham, oh so truly said, ‘Love is only a dirty trick played on us to ensure continuation of the species.’ I’d like to add to that. Love also ensures a uniform geographical distribution of the human population. And balance in the world.

It’s such a beautiful trick though.

Elegy for Flight Dynamics Lab

I'm sick of flight dynamics lab reports.

In fact, right now, my hatred for these reports is almost competing with my hatred for measurements. I could write an elegy for flight dynamics - only I won't, not yet anyway, because that would mean spending even MORE time on a one-hour class.

I was discussing the awesomeness of disclaimers with a friend today. If only they'd allow them on tests...I have my disclaimer for my propulsion test in 9 days ready...."Please be aware that this test does not reflect the full potential nor brain capacity of the student being tested. This exam is being taken under high levels of stress, and lack of sleep caused by ridiculous amounts of homework assigned in other classes. The student is also extremely excited at the prospect of school ending in 29 days (at the time of this test). Therefore, this test is pretty useless if you think about it."

I'm ready to sleep. And finish my lab report in the morning before my Manic Monday begins (with 5 classes, staff meeting, taekwondo practice). But of course - I'm wide awake now.

Maybe I should go back to flight d-ing...
Nah.

Here's the elegy in any case...

Flight Dynamics, flight dynamics,
O when will you die?
I hate you with all my heart,
Trust me, that ain't a lie,
I hate writing the stupid abstract,
And making it so concise,
Although the results section,
Is probably your biggest vice.
I agree - the objectives are all right,
The procedure's every better,
But as soon as I start the discussion,
I stumble into a huge crater.
I never make recommendations,
And my appendices are almost blank,
I hate commenting on results,
And making withdrawals from my logic-bank.
Typing in equations is the worst,
It's so painful I want to cry,
So if you don't go away soon,
I'll bury you before you die.

Venting is good.

If we had a three-hour class in venting, I'd make an A. For sure.

I still remember the first Engineering Fall Gathering that I went to. The Student Engineering Council President at the time, Chris Something, made a statement that I quote every chance that I get, "They say that engineering in college is made up of 3 parts: sleep, studying, and your social life. On any given day, you can choose only 2 of these activities".

After having completed 71.875% of my college life (that's right - I calculated), I can testify that the above statement is true. Of course, college students try to take shortcuts, or find a loophole in that law by multi-tasking: sleeping in class [sleep+studying], taking homework to parties [socializing+studying], or passing out at parties [sleeping+socializing]. Multi-tasking is not my forte, unfortunately - I become terribly disoriented if more than 2 people try to talk to me at the same time. Or for that matter, if I try to read and run at the same time. Or watch youtube and study at the same time.
I suppose some combinations of tasks work rather well though - like showering and thinking, eating and reading, doing homework and whining, etc.

I had a rather interesting conversation with one of my professors today - the professor himself is quite an interesting character. I base this statement on his usage of all sorts of phrases to describe people and places and propulsion terms; he called Cincinnati 'the armpit of the universe' today.

Must start on my to-do list now. Item number 1, of course, is 'nap'.

Red Bulls and Purple cows

I just finished the Red Bull that I started drinking last night. I've heard Red Bull's like beer - you don't mind the taste much after the first few times. Beer's still nasty though. The Red Bull didn't really keep me up last night; I was asleep within the hour, although I was wide awake when the alarm went off this morning.

April Fool's Day yesterday was interesting. As it turned out, I was the perpetrator, and not the victim. I probably fooled more people yesterday than I have in my entire life. I got most of my residents. Although I did have to go around apologizing and offering candy and taking pillow hits to make up for the 'bad' joke, which was also labeled 'the best joke ever', a 'clever joke' etc by others.

I have a test on Wednesday, which I probably should start studying for. Right about now. 12:11 am. But I might as well just start at 12:20 am.

I wonder if they will ever do psychological studies on procrastinators here at UT.
I'd be so rich.

In my staff meeting today, my HC made all us RAs take the Myers-Briggs personality test, which I have totally lost faith in now. I happen to have taken the test 4 times already in the last 3 years, and my personality has changed from an INFP -> ISTJ -> ISTP -> ENFP.

I had an interesting conversation today with someone (whom I shall call 'Sally' to protect her identity blah blah) about who we really want to be. Sally's hardcore. She was really critical of the astronaut program, and said that astronauts became famous only if they died or went on a murder-mission. Which is partly true. Kinda reminds me of the new Great Women Museum they've built in Kinsolving. It's growing on me, so I don't think it's terrible anymore, but I do wish it had been less crowded. My friend Yezi noticed that were pictures of only one Asian woman and one Indian woman on the wall; so we decided we'd be the next ones on the wall - but we'd have to be dead before that.

Perhaps I need better goals in life.

I was thinking today about some short-term goals - for example, things I would like to do before I graduate (all non-major related, of course).
1) Get to at least the blue-belt level in Taekwondo
2) Study abroad
3) Run a 10k run.
4) Write a story. Or a book.
5) Volunteer at some animal-care place.
6) Write for the Daily Texan.
7) Be actively involved in some charitable organization.

I'm sure I'm forgetting many more - but I'll add to the list.

The Red Bull's not helping with the sleep issue - but it sure is making me feel guilty now.

There's a really awesome story called 'How now purple cow' in '100 greatest science fiction short short stories' - my favoritest book in the world.
Just FYI.