Ode to an Umbrella

This one's real - I wrote it after a friend broke my umbrella and then never replaced it. Apparently this wasn't effective enough, because he still hasn't.... on the bright side, I have something to always yell at him about.

Ode to a Broken Umbrella
(2007)

Oh, how I miss thee!
Thy colorful shade,
Thy tawny haze,
That offered protection against the elements,
Burning heat, icy sleet,
Those rare snowstorms as well.

Though most may not have appreciated thy blinding beauty,
Nor admired thy serviceability,
But when I held thee in my hand,
I felt like a long lost ship that had reached land.

My foul-weather friend thee was,
When all had walked out on me,
Through dreary days, and watery ways,
Thee kept me as dry as I could be.

That fateful day,
When that fated hand swung you to and fro,
And I watched in horror as thy torso snapped,
And I mourned your demise with woe.
Thee lies buried in my corner drawer,

While I dream of happier times,
And when the clouds burst, and I am forced to,
Cower under an ugly black trash bag,
I think to myself…someday…
Someday...I will have my revenge.