Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Re-defining English

Something I wrote a few years ago -

Literally:

1. GRANARY – grandmotherhood
2.
TABOO – what a magician-turned-ghost would say
3.
STALEMATE – boring pal
4.
KILOBYTE – how a rabid dog kills
5.
KIDNAP – children’s mid-afternoon siesta
6.
MUTATE – become dumb
7.
BROADCAST – overweight film casting crew

Realistically:

1. WEATHER-a lifesaving topic you resort to when all other conversation is failing.
2.
SWIMMING POOL- a place where you can go to console yourself that others in the world are fatter than you are
3.
NEWSPAPER- an accessory that helps you spy on the people sitting around you
4.
EXERCISE BIKE- a piece of furniture that doubles up as a clothes hanger
5.
DICTIONARY- a gigantic paper weight that sometimes encloses one’s dry-flower collection
6.
LECTURE- a respectable and formalized version of a lullaby
7.
VOLUNTEER- person who goes around collecting free T-shirts
8.
JEANS - weight detectors (better and more reliable than weighing machines)
9.
SECRET – something that everyone knows but pretends not to know
10.
CELEBRITY – a person whose death makes headlines

And finally, inventing some on my own:

1. PERUSALTRAUMA – act of repeatedly counting the number of pages left to read in a particularly boring reading assignment
2.
SIDDLE – move from side to side in a vain attempt to let the person in front of you pass by, only to find that he/she is doing the same
3.
STUPIDITIOUS – person who believes that the next pinball game will show him his math test score
4.
QUICKLEAN – act of cleaning up the house or your room five minutes before guests arrive
5.
DISALBUWEL – remove personally unflattering pictures from an album
6. BRANDANCY- loyalty to a particular brand in the market
7.
MASSMANIA – weighing yourself immediately after skipping a meal to see if some weight has dissipated
8.
PICKACY – art of selecting the largest piece of pastry on a platter without the host or other guests noticing
9.
SLAPTREATMENT – hitting the television/music deck/video-player to make it work

2 comments:

  1. I change my color scheme around, just like you recently changed yours'.

    Although, I didn't really think of the energy consequences. Good idea! Although me building a gaming machine that sucks up 500 Watts at times isn't helping.

    ReplyDelete
  2. haha, i wrote something similar to this a couple of years ago. I was so full of myself (and some say I still am) that I created my own 25 word dictionary (http://mendelismental.blogspot.com/2006/01/dictionary.html).

    "1. WEATHER-a lifesaving topic you resort to when all other conversation is failing."

    So true, I accidentally ran into my boss yesterday and we immediately started talking about the weather. 'It's hot outside, isn't it?' (Like, duh)

    ReplyDelete